What it is
Ambivalence is holding two feelings at once: wanting and not wanting, hope and dread. Many mothers feel it and tell no one. If the pregnancy was unplanned, the mix can be louder. If it was planned, feeling not excited brings guilt on top. Both are common. Neither predicts how you will do as a mother.
What's typical
Just under half of U.S. pregnancies are unplanned. Mixed feelings are also common when a pregnancy was planned. For many, the feelings shift over weeks as the body changes and the news settles. For some, the question of whether to continue is real and needs room. In California you have the legal right to continue, to place the baby for adoption, or to end the pregnancy.
What's known
Research on mothers who felt ambivalent finds no link to poorer parenting. What hurts is being alone with it. The All-Options talkline offers free calls about any pregnancy decision, with no agenda. Perinatal therapists hear this every week.
What helps
- Say the true sentence to one safe person: "I'm pregnant and I don't know how I feel."
- Give yourself a week before deciding anything. Week five feelings are not week nine feelings.
- Write down what scares you. Most fears have a name and a resource.
When to call someone
- Nowthoughts of hurting yourself. Call or text 988. If someone is forcing a choice on you, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
- Todaybleeding or pain, whatever you feel about the pregnancy.
- At your next visittell your provider you have mixed feelings. Ask for options counseling.
Who helps
Tools: Birthworker Directory
Related
- Anxiety in pregnancyPregnancy: Mind and Life
- Depression during pregnancyPregnancy: Mind and Life
- Pregnancy as a single parentPregnancy: Mind and Life
- Finding a perinatal therapistPregnancy: Mind and Life
What mothers here say
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Experiences and questions are their authors' own, not reviewed advice. The topic's steward lists the ones that help most in a credited digest once there is one. Unusual experiences stay, with a note.
Sources
- Guttmacher Institute — Unintended pregnancy in the United States fact sheet
- All-Options — Talkline information page
- Postpartum Support International — Pregnancy and postpartum mental health overview
Sources are named, not yet linked. The steward verifies each one and adds the link.
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