What it is
TFMR is ending a wanted pregnancy after a fatal diagnosis or a serious one. The news often comes at the 20-week scan or from genetic testing. Ending a wanted pregnancy is a loss. If it is unbearable right now, call or text 988.
Earlier in pregnancy it is usually a procedure. Later, it may be an induction, where you labor and birth the baby and can hold him. California protects access to this care.
What's typical
Your body goes through postpartum like any birth at that stage: bleeding for weeks, cramps, and milk if past about 16 weeks. The grief carries extra weights: secrecy, guilt, judgment, and the feeling that you chose this.
What's known
Research finds that parents who end a pregnancy for a fatal diagnosis and parents who continue it grieve in similar ways and for similar lengths. Neither path is easier. Support groups built for TFMR exist because general loss groups can feel unsafe.
What helps
- Decide who you will tell and what you will say, together, before you leave the hospital.
- Find a therapist who says 'TFMR' or 'pregnancy loss' on their page, and a TFMR group.
When to call someone
- Nowheavy bleeding, fever, or thoughts of ending your life. Call 911 or 988.
- Todayyou cannot sleep or eat, or feel the world is unreal.
- At your next visitask for your genetics results in plain words, what they mean for a next pregnancy, and a loss therapist.
Who helps
Tools: My Birth Team
Related
- MiscarriageLoss and Complications
- Prenatal tests and ultrasounds: what each one isPregnancy: Your Body
What mothers here say
No one has posted under this topic yet. The first experience here will help the next mother who searches for it at 2 a.m.
Experiences and questions are their authors' own, not reviewed advice. The topic's steward lists the ones that help most in a credited digest once there is one. Unusual experiences stay, with a note.
Sources
- American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists — Perinatal palliative care committee opinion
- Ending a Wanted Pregnancy — Support community and resources
- Postpartum Support International — Loss and grief in pregnancy and postpartum
Sources are named, not yet linked. The steward verifies each one and adds the link.
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