What it is
Right before the milk comes, a drop in your stomach. Dread, homesickness, nausea, or a wish to be anywhere else. Then it passes and you feel fine. You are searching 'sad when milk lets down' or 'dread at letdown.' The name is D-MER, dysphoric milk ejection reflex. It is a physical reflex tied to the hormone shift at letdown, most likely a brief dip in dopamine. It is not depression, and it is not about how you feel toward your baby.
What's typical
The wave starts 30 to 90 seconds before letdown and lasts 30 seconds to two minutes. For many it fades by three months; for most it is gone by nine to twelve months. It ranges from a mild 'ugh' to real despair.
What's known
D-MER was first described in 2007 by lactation consultant Alia Macrina Heise. Surveys suggest around 5 to 9 percent of lactating mothers feel it. La Leche League describes it as distinct from depression and from nursing aversion, which builds during a feed rather than hitting before letdown.
What helps
- Name it. Many mothers say knowing it is a reflex cuts the fear in half.
- Distract through the wave: a show, a phone game, counting breaths. It is short.
When to call someone
- Now988, call or text, or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, 1-833-852-6262, if you have thoughts of harming yourself.
- Todaysadness or dread that lasts hours, not minutes, or is there when you are not feeding.
- At your next visitD-MER severe enough that you are skipping feeds or thinking of weaning because of it.
Who helps
Tools: Birthworker Directory
Related
- Nursing aversion and agitationFeeding Your Baby
- Postpartum depressionPostpartum: Mind
- Postpartum anxietyPostpartum: Mind
- How breastfeeding works: supply and demandFeeding Your Baby
What mothers here say
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Experiences and questions are their authors' own, not reviewed advice. The topic's steward lists the ones that help most in a credited digest once there is one. Unusual experiences stay, with a note.
Sources
- D-MER.org — Dysphoric milk ejection reflex: what it is
- La Leche League International — Dysphoric milk ejection reflex
- International Breastfeeding Journal — Case report: dysphoric milk ejection reflex (Heise and Wiessinger)
Sources are named, not yet linked. The steward verifies each one and adds the link.
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